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| Announcement: Hi..I'mnew |
| Posted: Anonymous @ Sun Jul 15, 2007 10:21 am |
Hi everyone,
I am so happy I found this Agoraphobic community.In 1995 at age 22 (I'm now 34) I started having Anxiety,Panic and the Agoraphobia came on suddenly.During this time I was able to get out some.Shopping a few times and for Therapy and Doctor's appointments.After surviving what I would class a life or death situation the Summer '97 I moved in with my Grandmother for several Month's to care for her around the clock 7 Day's a Week.
Early Spring 1998 I felt strong enough to move a distance away to stay at my Aunt's place as to have a change of scenery and to start seeing a Therapist in the City she lived.I did this for 1 Month until she about drove me to drinking!(literally) I then stayed at my Biological Mother's Sister's place about a Month until I found an Apartment which I lived 4 Month's before she almost drove me to drink!(literally).
I moved back and stayed with my Parent's 1 Month before finding an Apartment in another place a distance away.I lived in this City from November '98 til October '01.I started back to College,finished my Associate Degree and began my Bachelor's at a University (Driving to University was a feat resulting in my dropping a few courses).I ran errands,went to Class,shopped and done everything on the outside for myself.Even though I was functioning I still had problems.
My Step-Sister died in '99 several Weeks after I completed my first term back in College.The next May '00 when I was up for Graduation my Step-Grandmother had Shingles on her Face and my Grandmother was diagnosed with end stage Breast Cancer.
Several month's after my Grandmother died latter '01 I moved back in with my Parents because the Agoraphobia was kicking my butt.Since I've lived back here I haven't went anywhere or driven.I stay at Home.My Step-Mother suddenly died latter January '03 2 Month's after moving into the Apartment I live.When she died I managed by the grace of my higher power to get to my Dad's.I stayed at his place for 5 Month's before returning Home.Haven't been anywhere since.I didn't go to my Mother or Father's Funeral's because I couldn't.
I was doing OK going to the mail box and taking trash out with minimal problem until I had a really bad PA while standing at mail box talking to the mail carrier.I ran as fast as I could back into my Apartment.Ever since it is impossible for me to step far out into the Yard.Agoraphobia is back FULL force and with a vengeance.
Now my Dad has died '07.During all this sickness and death within my Family before/after moving back I had Relationship and Financial problems.It's just me,myself and I now and I am trying very hard to "pull myself up by the Bootstraps" so I can get back out into the World of the living.
I am trying to heal myself using natural means.Whether drinking Chamomile Tea,using Lavender based products,Herbs,relaxation,breathing exercises or nutritious Foods etc.The problem is:I don't trust my Body in order to expose myself to Phobic situations.I don't think I will get passed until I learn to trust again.
I want more than anything to renovate my Grandparent's Home,to finish School and have a Career,to marry the Man I love,have Baby's and live a fully functioning life.I don't like living like this,but am scared out of my mind how my Body feels and to progress forward.
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